she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
