You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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