I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
