I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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