We're facebook friends in real life
I'm really into asian looking animals
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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