if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
