new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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