i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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