I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
