Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
