i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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