dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
