rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
