I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
