And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
