You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
