I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
