How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
