Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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