And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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