I cockslap morals
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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