Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
