maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
