Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
