That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
