I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My dick has a subreddit
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
