One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
