no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
