Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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