somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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