You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
