Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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