Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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