my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
