I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
