Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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