I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
