omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
