"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
