I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sext me about skeletons
I just gargled with NyQuil
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
