Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize