I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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