Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
