jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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