thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
