dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
