god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
