Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
