I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
