Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
