Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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