The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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