I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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