Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
