did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
