Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
