The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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