He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
