It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
