watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
