I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
