Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
