u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
