sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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