Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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