you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
