Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
