It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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