Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
