peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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