Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
that is very illegal...i love you.
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