I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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