The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
