Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
