Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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