I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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