Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
