My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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