Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
