this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize