hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
