i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
