omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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