I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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