weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
