I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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