Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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