if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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