woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
