Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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