Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
