She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
