ADVERTISEMENT

• (757): View more from Virginia

  seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well said.

  Fav 19 3801 948

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back

  Fav 14 5254 1484

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened

  Fav 5 4532 1127

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

  Fav 12 3138 1917

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

  Fav 7 3144 1060

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.

  Fav 8 1212 2235

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.

  Fav 9 2722 787

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  So you met him?

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.

  Fav 1 1720 890

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?

  Fav 13 1141 1404

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.

  Fav 0 1332 686

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?

  Fav 1 950 549

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (707): View more from California

  I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm

  Fav 3 948 483

  share tweet
  

• (949): View more from California

  Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.

  Fav 2 884 547

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina

  Fav 10 504 1210

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there

  Fav 1 31 43

  share tweet
  

Randomize