im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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