Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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