So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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