Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
from now on my penis is your penis
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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