I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize