If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
