i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
