Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
