It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
