Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize