if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
