Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
