Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
