please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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